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Deserving Chapters 35-36

Deserving: I hate that you have a cock!
In this double bill, Harry, Neville, Severus and Dennis play Musical Beds.

Neville was at Kings’ house bright and early to pick Severus and Richard up. He apparated them to a clearing next to a mountain in the middle of nowhere. Snape looked confused and Neville cleared up his confusion by parting some bushes to reveal a whole community living next to a stream.

This is about all the description this place gets.

Severus had no idea which one of his former students would feel comfortable enough hugging him, but this was shortly answered when the stout man finally let go and looked Snape right in the eyes.
“Crabbe? Vincent? Is it really you, child?’ asked an incredulous Snape. Last time he had seen the kid he was barely skin and bones.
Crabbe smiled at him with a mouth that was missing at least three teeth. “Your nutrient potion really works Professor.”


As does the tender loving care of a house-elf.

“Hold on, Professor, I want you to meet someone,” said Crabbe holding up his hand to keep Severus from moving. “Angela where are you? Angela” he yelled until he saw a little girl that could barely walk come wobbling to him. “Professor, I would like you to meet my daughter, Angela. Angela this is a fine man you’re meeting today,” proclaimed Crabbe with a smile of pride.
Severus shook her little hand and smiled at her. “Luckily this child has no idea the magnitude of your lie,” said Snape, raising an eyebrow at Crabbe.
“Come off it Professor, Neville has told us everything you have done for us.”


Vincent Crabbe understands the word "magnitude"?

“Papa, I want to play too,” protested Richard who wanted to stay playing with the other children.

Yes, we know. I gathered from the fact that he said (sorry, protested because we dumb readers are incapable of discerning that Richard's words are a protestation) so.

“It’s alright Severus; I assure you it is safe. I would not allow the children to play outside if it weren’t. The house elves guard the premises.”

That's not all they're guarding.

Severus gave his fiancé a cheap smile and looked away. At that precise moment three elves snapped in. One levitating a young, emaciated women that everyone rushed to help. They got her on a bed and Poppy began her scans as Neville debriefed the elves.

Is that what they're calling it now?

“Neville,” corrected Longbottom. “And you are right Severus; I shouldn’t have sent a boy to do a man’s job. If something happens to Dennis I will never forgive myself.”
“Dennis! You sent a kid on a mission? A rescue mission?”
“Severus, it’s not how it seems. You see Dennis has a way with house elves. He has charmed half the elves in this place.


Okay, I'll stop making jokes about characters screwing house-elves when the author stops asking for it.

“He is a child!”
“Now Severus don’t exaggerate. According to our laws he is of age. He is slight and still very cute and this is why we tend to see him as a kid but he is not. He is twenty years old. Only three years younger than Harry and I and we…”


If Richard has just turned two, and Harry is twenty-three, what happened in the two to three years between the end of Deathly Hallows and Chapter 1? Or is this just a retcon to stop us dwelling too much on the ephebophilic connotations of pairing Harry with bishie!Dennis?

“Severus is calling Kreacher,” was all it took for Harry to sit up straight. “Severus is sending Harry Potter Sir a message. Severus is saying that Harry Potter’s friend Dennis Creevey is missing. Severus is saying that Dennis Creevey is rescuing girl but is still with girl’s baby trying to escape mean Mr. Single,” reported Kreacher in on breath.

I wondered what Single had been up to. He's overdue an appearance.

Once again Kreacher smiled. He was not so old after all. His masters still needed him and knew that he could do the job. He simply popped out of the room as a response to Harry’s question. Harry got ready in full Auror garb and began the search.

Full Auror garb in the Deservingverse is probably a shirt and jeans or something.

He had no idea where he was going but he would look everywhere. He called Kreacher every half hour to see if he had found anything and to keep the elf informed of his whereabouts. It wasn’t until the third time that he called Kreacher that he had news. Apparently Dennis was spotted by one of the house elves roaming Knockturn Alley. Harry flew in and out of every crevice on his broom looking for his friend. It was in one of those dark coves that he found Dennis guarding a little boy with his life.

And yet the same author can spend ten paragraphs talking about a single act of buggery in TMI-level detail.

“Well Izzy if you come home with me we can have one of our famous showdowns on who can eat more of Kreacher’s pastries.”
“Harry it is you!” said Dennis picking up the child and running to Harry.
“Yeah kid it is me,” said Harry receiving them in his arms.
“Oh Harry I was so afraid I wouldn’t be able to deliver him safely. She trusted me with his life. That wasn’t easy you know,” rambled the relieved kid.


Not doing a good job of convincing us that the "kid" is mature enough to sleep with Harry here. That aside, and the dumbfuckery that is "Izzy", this isn't a badly written exchange.

Harry shrunk his broom and put it in his pocket

Everyone does this in Deserving. If it's possible, why does Hogwarts have broom sheds?

then he grabbed Dennis’ arm and led him out of Knockturn Alley and into Diagon Alley where Single and his men looked surprise to see them. It wore off quickly and Single gave the order to apprehend Dennis.

Where did he suddenly appear from? Does he make a habit of prowling around just in case he runs into a fugitive when he's also trying to do absolutely everything in the Ministry at once?

“Under what charge?” asked a calm and collected Harry.
“That is none of your concern, Mr. Potter.”
“Oh well,” said Harry uncovering his wrist to show the watch that Mrs. Weasley had given him on his coming of age party. “I will just have to call Hermione. She makes all of Mr. Creevey’s matters her own.”
The name sent a child down Singles’ spine. “And as far as it not being my business, I don’t know if you are aware that I am a divorced wizard now.”


I cheered when Harry took Single down the first time; the problem is now it's hard to see how he can be a credible threat. Especially when the story drifts into his POV just to hammer home how utterly shit-scared he is.

“Back to Mr. Creevy, my boyfriend,” Harry dropped the bait.
“Boyfriend?”
“Yes, Mr. Single, as I am now free, I can have a boyfriend and as you well know I am very protective of what is mine.”
Dennis whipped his head to the side to look at Harry. Did he just talk about him as a possession? A thing? Harry tightened his grip to keep Dennis from blowing the whole thing up in their faces.


Speaking of POV, make your mind up.

That night Harry woke up and sensed that something was off in the house.

"Dammit, I knew that milk had been in there too long!"

Dennis looked into Harry’s eyes not believing what he was hearing. “Do you mean it Harry? Are you really my boyfriend?”
“Look, I don’t think you could put up with me, but yeah, while it lasts we are a couple.”
Dennis’ face lit up. “Harry, I am going to make you so happy, you won’t imagine life without me. You’ll see,” Dennis said, planting a kiss on Harry’s lips.
For some reason it didn’t taste as sweet as he thought it would taste. Snape’s kisses were always sweet and he was a sour bastard. It didn’t make sense to Harry that Dennis’ kiss wasn’t as sweet as or sweeter than Snape’s.


I'm amazed the author hasn't started beating us over the head as to why exactly this is.

“Are you alright Harry? Was that a sloppy kiss? It was wasn’t it? Well you have yourself to blame. I haven’t had any practice you know. I have been saving myself for you,” said Dennis with a blush. “You might think it stupid, but I always dreamed about you being the first one to kiss and touch me. I know what you are thinking, it’s very old fashioned thinking but I guess I am too much of a romantic for these times.”
Dennis was pure. The idea danced in Harry’s head. Dennis wanted to give him his purity and innocence. Harry couldn’t believe what a beautiful gift had fallen into his hands.


... yeah, still not escaping the creep zone.

Weeks had passed and Severus and Neville had set into a routine. Severus would work all morning with Poppy, making sure the population of the camp kept healthy. Then in the afternoons he would work with Neville trying to understand why the children of the Marked Ones did not have magic and how to restore it. This is why the conversation of their tea dates was so predictable.

Nice pre-emptive strike there.

“The fact that their magic was bound does not explain why their children do not have magic.”
“Severus, do you really think there is no correlation? I know you may argue that muggle borns have no genetic…”
“Neville,” halted Severus. “That is far from being my argument. I know magic in not only genetic. In fact our history clearly shows that all humans are capable of magic. We as wizards have chosen to protect this legacy while others prefer to think it does not exist.”
“But this brings us back to square one: how were they able to suppress the magic of all the Marked One’s children?”


This plot suddenly resurfaces out of nowhere as well.

“But they did not. May I remind you that there are two who do show evidence of magic,” said Severus with an arched eyebrow that showed knowledge.
“Richard and Nicky,” said Neville, understanding where the Professor was going. “Yes Professor but you have to admit, it would have been a great feat to suppress the magic of two powerful wizards as you and Harry.”
“Flattering as that may be, it still leaves us with Nicky, and I do not recall Draco Malfoy as being a particularly powerful wizard.”


That sound you hear is the Dracofen sharpening their pitchforks.

Neville knew that Severus had a point. He took a deep breath and slumped in defeat. “I have no idea. I surrender. I can’t figure it out.”

It's because Richard and Nicky are Gary Stus, so it stands to reason they're immune from what's afflicting the rest of the wizarding world.

Severus looked at him and felt his heart warm up. He had seen Neville wake up each morning and make sure that everyone in the camp was alright. Work hours and hours on finding a cure. Take time from his busy schedule to play Quiddich with the children and then be the last one to go to sleep after checking on each. He really cared about the Marked Ones. In fact to Neville Longbottome these people were not the “Marked Ones.” they were people.

On the one hand, it's nice to see a Potterfic remembering that Quidditch exists. On the other, I don't think it's a very good idea for a party of fugitives to be playing a game that involves flying around on broomsticks where anyone can see them.

In the next scene, Neville and Madam Pomfrey start discussing how Severus needs to be dominated. Deserving means never having to say you're making shit up.

“Neville, what I am about to tell you is in the strictest confidentiality. I trust you know how much I love Severus and wish to see him happy?”
Neville nodded his head.
“Severus needs control,” she said as if dropping a bomb.

Neville looked as if he was expecting more.
“Do you understand? He craves to be controlled,” she tried again.
“To be controlled… What do you mean ‘to be controlled’?”
“Look, I do not know the extent of his need but I do know that Dumbledore would allow him to kneel before him as a reward for accomplishing missions.”


Which we're assured doesn't mean what you'd be justified in thinking that's a euphemism for.

“What? That is insane. Dumbledore! Why didn’t he help Severus overcome this … this …?”
“That was my feelings exactly but Severus would get very cross with me every time I tried to intervene. He would give me murderous looks and the one time I did get him to try to talk to me about it he claimed it soothed his soul every time he knelt before a powerful wizard.”


I can't help it. I'm an overgrown schoolboy.

Neville looked as if he would go crazy with the knowledge given to him.

I can't say I blame him.

“We are in no mission, Severus. I think it is time we stop playing children’s games. Today you will learn what love really feels like,” he said capturing Severus in his arms as soon as they walked into the tent.
Pop! Pop! Pop! Went the three little elves as they popped into the tent.

That's the way Deserving goes
Pop goes the house-elf!


“Lunch is served,” they announced scurrying to get and serve everything. Neville guided the stunned Professor to the table where they ate and drank the finest delicacies known to the Wizarding world.

The Finest Delicacies Known To The Wizarding World™, which of course warrant no description.

Then Neville guided Severus to a plush sheepskin rug in front of the fireplace where he guided him to his knees.

And I think we all know why.

“No!” escaped his mouth as he lept up to a standing position, trying to catch his breath and attempting to calm every fiber in his soul. When he was finally able to get a grip on himself he looked down at a naked and stunned Neville.
“Forgive me,” he said as he attempted to get back to his original position.
“You hate this, don’t you?” asked Neville, hugging his legs close to his body and placing his head on his knees. “You can’t stand the idea of me touching you.”
“Neville, I do not know what came over me. I was enjoying your ministrations…”


*takes a shot*

He could not lie to Neville. “Perhaps if you use your wand,” Severus suggested.

That's what she said.

Neville was refusing to face him speaking with his back turned to Severus.
“I think it best if you leave the camp for a while. I really can’t deal with this right now. I need to focus on the needs of my friends and their children.”
This is why Severus knew he didn’t deserve someone as decent as Neville. He had a knack for hurting good people like Lily and Neville.


Clumsy continuity nod is clumsy.

Severus knew he owed Draco and explanation, so he let him in on his plan. He was miles away from his house but he found he could do some things using the computers at the public library. Camilla, one of the librarians had been very helpful. He and Richard would leave the following Monday. He had already purchased the train tickets.

Uh, what with? Do wizards have debit cards?

“Train tickets? Professor! Why are you wasting your money like that?

Because train tickets are an intolerably extravagant expense.

His words were prophetic because not only the Shacklebolts were there, but also the Weasley clan who all got to work as soon as they saw the great need of Spinner’s End. Severus had paid for a new roof that should have been in place by the time they got there but was not. The roofers were still working when they arrived and Bill and Charlie had to Obliviate them a couple of times because the wizards kept forgetting about the roofers and performed magic in clear view. At the end of the day the house was ready and Richard’s room, although not as big as his nursery, had all the comforts and toys that he was used to.
Severus was pleased to see that he no longer was a burden on anyone, his Hogwarts pension would see to that. But he was not going to be idle, he began a mail order business suggested by the twins. Apparently they had started their business like this. His brewing ability would sustain him yet again.
Days went by and he and Richard were settling into their new home. Camilla had suggested he look into the neighborhood library for educational activities that he could do with Richard. His son had absolutely loved Story time at the library and it was great to see with what ease Richard interacted with the other children there. Between that and the play dates with Nicky, Richard seemed to be adjusting to their new life.

I'm calling CWID on this development, I have to say. I'm quite liking what she's done, all things considered.

Severus tucked the card back into its envelope and went into the kitchen to put them in water when he came back to the sitting room he found Harry sitting in front of the fire. How did he get in?


Presumably the Floo, or if you're this author the "floo" because she's wasted all her capital letters talking about the Wizarding World™.

After a minute of awkward silence: “the place is nice, but what do you eat? Last I knew you are bullocks in the kitchen,” said Harry just to have something to say.


Bullocks are cattle. The word you want is "bollocks", which also describes most of the fic.

Harry didn’t even get the fact that he was not being clear. “Yeah, he is the first bloke I have ever found attractive. Although in all honesty he would make any man take a second look. He is very sexy.”

Dennis the bishounen. Once again I'm forced to ask: why?

“And good,” added Harry, “and pure… Do you know that he is pure? He has never been with anyone. He told me he was waiting for me.”

It's some weird blend of '50s sensibilities about purity and virginity, with modern progressive attitudes to sexuality where it (rightly) doesn't matter what gender the love of your life is.

‘Again, why are you giving me this information?’ thought Severus, feeling like a fool with a vase and flowers in his hand.

When even a Deserving character is calling TMI, listen.

“I need your help.”
Help? Harry needed his help. Was he ill?


Yes.

“Sir?”
“You can decide to ridicule me once I have given you this information, but somehow I think you will help. If not for me then for Dennis.”
“Sir, I will do anything to help you, anything,” said Severus finally putting down the flowers and approaching Harry yet leaving a comfortable space between them.
Harry seemed to consider his words, took a deep ‘here goes nothing’ breath. “I am impotent”
Severus blinked, trying to assimilate the information.


Speaking of assimilating the information, how about a flashback montage.

Chapter 1:
Pretty quick to get it up, all things considered. He must have popped some wizard Viagra or something.

Chapter 2:
Harry needs Viagra.

Chapter 13:
Maybe he needs Viagra.

Chapter 17:
So Harry needs to stop taking Viagra.

Chapter 19:
Harry couldn’t believe he was so impotent in this situation.
He's run out of Viagra.

Chapter 19, later:
I guess Harry got some more Viagra.

Chapter 27:
He's not taken his Viagra. [...] He's taken his Viagra now.

Chapter 34:
I see it being embarrassing but completely inconsequential to the bigger picture, like taking Viagra or something.

I wish I could say I told you so. Except I'd be lying because I was just making silly jokes, not actually trying to predict the course of the plot. Deserving has officially broken my brain.

“When did this happen?”
“Final battle”


Voldemort cast his most dreaded of curses: Floppify!

Harry reached into his pocket and took out three blue, oval shape pills on the palm of his hand.

...
HE'S ACTUALLY TAKING VIAGRA. And carrying loose pills around in his pocket, because there's no way that's ever going to be discovered.

“Muggle medicine? But that is insane. Do you not know the adverse effects that muggle medicine has on magical people?”

Actually no, because it's not in canon and the author has just pulled it out of nowhere.

Severus turned on his heels grateful to have the opportunity to hide his hurt. He disappeared through the kitchen door and came back with two vials and placed them in Harry’s hands.

The red one gets you the hell out of the story.

Unfortunately not:
“The blue one will clean your body of all residue left by the muggle medicine. The purple one will cure your condition,” he said in straight forward sentences, not wanting to show any emotions.

Yes. We know he said it in straightforward sentences, because the straightforward sentences are right there on the page! I couldn't leave without posting this:


Continued...

Comments

( 1 comment — Leave a comment )
tenkai_kujaku
Jan. 15th, 2011 12:15 am (UTC)
It's two in the morning and I've just woken the cat up by snorting in laughter one too many times.
Thanks...:)
( 1 comment — Leave a comment )

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