Log in

Previous Entry | Next Entry

Hogwarts Too Exposed Chapter 21

And here's the rest.

Chapter Twenty-one
Too Young to Die

More like too Sue to die. Because:

"I'm deeply sorry," Severus said, as Harry flung his arms around Hermione to comfort her. "It's one of your girls. I'm truly sad, but we've lost Jamie Zacherley."

I mean, who else was it going to be? The way the last chapter was building up how much she couldn't wait to (bleurgh) "join", it was hardly going to be anyone else. I suppose it could have been Alex, but he was out as soon as the "cliffhanger" line said it was a girl.

Hermione didn't speak, but rather buried her head in Harry's shoulder, crying too copiously to even consider conversation.
Harry too was on the verge of tears, but managed somehow to ask Severus what had happened.

Of course Hermione breaks down and has to leave everything to the big strong men to sort out. Now I'd perhaps be willing to grant that she'd known Jamie for longer (albeit off-screen) so might justifiably have a stronger reaction, if this didn't fit the pattern of how Harry and Hermione behave in relation to each other throughout the fic.

"I don't have all the details," Severus said, gently. "The ministry promised to pass on additional information as soon as available." He bit his lip, trying to suppress his own sorrow. "They don't think she suffered at all. Her injuries were such that… she was gone… before young Mr. Ward was even able to reach her."
"H… How is… Alex?" Harry asked, no longer able to hold back his tears.
"Neither he nor Mr. Ollivander were more than scratched physically, but Alex was taken to St. Mungo's to be treated for shock. He should be returned here by Portkey sometime before dinner."

Two things here. Firstly, if Portkeys were possible, why all the faffing around with the train? Secondly, what's the point of bombing Ollivander's shop? It's hardly a bustling hive of activity, especially in the middle of term. If they're going to attack anywhere on Diagon Alley, the Leaky Cauldron would make more sense in terms of how much destruction, chaos and terror they could cause.

"Harry, the girls!" Hermione sobbed. "What about the girls?"
"I'll contact Ron as soon as we get to our quarters," he assured Hermione. "The two of us will find them."

"Don't worry your pretty little head!" Fuck's sake.

"There's Madam Pomfrey," Harry said, noticing the school nurse busily helping mend wounds. "Let's ask her if she's seen the girls."
Harry didn't even have to open his mouth. As soon as Madam Pomfrey spied him, she pointed to a makeshift tent that had been hastily erected. "Go easy on them, Harry," she said. "They've been a tremendous help."
Ron and Harry turned and walked toward the tent, wavering before entering. Kim and Emily were busy tending to victims trying to make them comfortable until Caitlin or one of the healers could get to them.
Harry watched in quiet amazement as Caitlin treated an injured student that, despite all the blood, he could recognize as Doris Burke, the Slytherin Quidditch captain. He didn't know what other injuries she might have sustained, but a deep gash on her face was extremely evident. A Muggle receiving the same injury would have a permanent and hideous scar.
Caitlin held Doris' hand as she calmly talked to the older girl, trying to reassure her. Then Caitlin placed her hand on the wound and concentrated. As Harry watched, a cut appeared on Caitlin's cheek; it bled momentarily and then healed and disappeared. As Caitlin's wound vanished, so did the one on Doris. Emily handed Caitlin a damp cloth with which she wiped Doris' face. There was not the slightest evidence of a cut having ever existed

This would be a lot more impressive if Caitlin's super-special-awesome healing powers hadn't already been revealed. (And wouldn't Hermione and Snape, who also happen to have this ultra-rare gift, be useful right now?) Admittedly they hadn't been revealed this publicly, and if I suspected the author of having anything resembling an outline I might wonder if the scene where Wrong finds out about Caitlin being the prophesied healer was originally intended to be after this one.

The walk back to the castle was quiet, the events of the day seeming to catch up with the girls.
Once they were inside the castle, Kim made to head for the Slytherin dungeons, but Harry asked her to accompany them to the family's quarters. Emily, Caitlin and Kim exchanged glances. They knew they were going to be reprimanded.
The girls didn't think anything of finding Sam in their residence when they got there, but seemed confused when Sam said that Hermione had cried herself to sleep. Sam and Ron went to the kitchen as Harry asked the girls to come sit on the chesterfield with him.
"Can we get out of our clothes first," Emily pleaded.

Because even what could be a legitimately dramatic scene has to pause to fill the nudity quota. Of course, the fact that everyone is now bollock naked lends a surreal air to the proceedings, making the whole scene all but impossible to take seriously.

Harry nodded his head dejectedly and waited for the girls to rejoin him. Kim and Caitlin hurried and sat down on either side of Harry. Emily dejectedly went to sit on the chair, but Harry patted his leg.

I think the author likes the word "dejectedly". It actually fits the intended tone of this scene (except Emily hasn't found out why she's meant to be dejected yet: she's bound to have picked up on the atmosphere, but I'm not convinced "dejected" works as a reaction to that alone) but the repetition stands out a lot more than it does for more basic words like "said".

"What happened today in Hogsmeade… was… appalling," Harry said, searching for words. "You saw first hand how horrifying terrorism and war can be. It can hurt and cripple people we love. Sometimes… sometimes it even takes ones we love from us. Hermione, Professor Weasley and I all lost our parents in the wars against Voldemort."

I still don't get why Arthur, Molly and Mr and Mrs Granger had to die before the story started. It's not even been mined for all that much angst. Given how bad the author is at keeping track of the characters he does include, on the other hand, it might not have been such a bad idea.

Harry gulped, tears by now imminent. "There were two attacks today. At the precise time the Three Broomsticks was bombed, there was also a bombing in Diagon Alley. Ollivander's Wand shop was destroyed."
Emily body became stiff, as she looked in terror at Harry.
"Alex and Jamie were going to Ollivander's today," she said fearfully.
Harry couldn't hold back the tears. "We've… lost her," he said, mournfully. "Jamie's joined your parents."
"No… NOOOO!!!," Emily cried hysterically, as she buried her head in Harry's chest.

This works where Hermione's similar outburst on learning of the Zacherleys' deaths didn't, because Emily is eleven years old and has just lost her beloved older sister. For all I can't stand her, I can't help but feel sorry for her here. It's a far cry, pun not intended, from a supposed professional having a breakdown over people she's only ever met off-screen.

Ron and Sam had departed for their home and Kim had return to the Slytherin dorms by the time they sat down for dinner. Hermione had joined the others, but couldn't bring herself to eat. Everyone sat solemnly around the table, not speaking, but all with the same nagging thought in their mind. Why?
"Alex," Harry finally said, softly. "Do you feel up to telling us exactly what happened?
The boy stared grimly at his professor and then nodded his head, his voice cracking as he began.
"The train… was late pulling into the station… and then the journey to Diagon Alley took rather longer than we had planned," Alex said slowly. "Jamie and I were both apprehensive that we might not get back to the station on time to catch the return train. Neither of us was prepared for the possibility of having to spend the night together in London."

Now I'm not the biggest fan of secondhand storytelling. A few times this bias has got the better of me and I've dismissed it out of hand, only for someone (most often danel4d) to point out how it could have worked with a better author than Neil in charge. With that in mind... Alex's account works. It's overwrought and melodramatic (though arguably not too much so for the circumstances) and could do with a lot less AHEDV, but it's mostly fine.

"When we entered the shop, it appeared empty," Alex continued. "At first, I thought perhaps Mr. Ollivander had forgotten to lock up when he went to lunch, but then he stuck his head out of the backroom.
"If only he had been at lunch…" Alex said, his voice breaking, "we… we would have left the shop… and she'd be alive now."

And this is actually a decent bit of foreshadowing for what's due to happen when Harry and Hermione go back in time to save Jamie. What the hell am I reading and what's it done with Hogwarts Exposed?

"Jamie roamed around the shop while Mr. Ollivander had me try out a few wands. He had just taken the second wand from me and gone to get another when I heard the clock outside begin to chime the noon hour.

From the previous chapter:

As Mr. Ollivander began fitting Alex with a wand, Jamie meandered around the tiny shop, marveling at how anyone could find what he or she was seeking in what appeared to be total disarray. She was just sticking her head nosily in the backroom when she heard a clock begin to chime the noon hour.

Both Alex and Jamie, apparently independently of each other, think of the clock striking twelve as "chiming the noon hour". The AHEDV is a harsh mistress. Anyway, we return to the Gryffindor girls' dorm. Which is more than Jamie ever did when she was alive.

"Gryffindor House will never be the same without her," Lisa said, as she, Susan and Mandy tried to comfort Amanda.

Remember Lisa, Susan and Mandy, Jamie's other dorm-mates? Neither did I, because they last appeared in Exposed Chapter 6. And yes, for some reason known only to the author, we do have both a Mandy and an Amanda in the fic.

"Jamie loved everything and everybody," Susan said mournfully. "I never heard her murmur a cruel word about anyone, not even that Bancroft git."

Not quite. She says he lives up to his name in Exposed Chapter 4, and calls him evil in Exposed Chapter 23. Although the latter chapter didn't happen, of course.

"As smart as she was," Lisa added, "she never learned how to be cruel or hate. I think that's why everyone loved her so."
"I'll never forget that Halloween," Mandy said, "when Jamie's robes got stuck in the portrait opening. She was just so cool and confident."

And here we get a flashback. This is another reason I decided to spork these two chapters together: 21 is effectively a clip show of things I've already sporked.

"My Dad once told me that a person never truly dies as long as someone loves and remembers them," Amanada said softly.
"If that's true, then Jamie will be walking the halls of Hogwarts for many years to come," Mandy offered.
"I wonder if she'll be in her robes or naked?" Susan asked.
"Definitely naked," Amanda said, a tiny smile breaking through the tears. "I'm sure where she's gone they don't discriminate against nudists."

The Hogwarts Exposed afterlife is apparently a nudist paradise, as we learned when the dead decided to crash the wedding back in Exposed Chapter 24.

"Alex, Harry and I have to meet with the interment director tomorrow to discuss the final arrangements," Hermione said sorrowfully, after she had magically cleared the table of their barely touched meal. "Would you like to accompany us?"
"Me?" Alex questioned, stunned by the query.
"You most definitely should have a say in the planning," Harry agreed. "You were much more than a boyfriend to Jamie, you were her chosen."

It's worth noting that the author has done absolutely nothing to sell the relationship as anything more than a run-of-the-mill post-adolescent infatuation. All the "joining" and "chosen" cultspeak and even the talk of marriage doesn't change anything when the relationship itself is as generic as theirs was.

At the moment Alex couldn't visualize a future without Jamie by his side. It seemed like she'd been there forever, and until now, he thought she always would be. His mind wondered back to the day Jamie had first shown her ultimate trust in him.

... and we have a flashback to the tampon scene. I only wish I was joking.

Deep inside Alex realized that the words Hermione spoke were true. He could best honor Jamie's memory and her love by making her proud of him, not by sulking his life away.

This epiphany brought to you by Tampax. Cut to Caitlin and Emily.

"I feel all alone in the world," Emily sobbed. "First my parents are taken from me and now, less than a year later, my sister. My family is completely gone."

And for this alone I know she's coming back. Why? Because the author likes Emily a bit too much. Nothing bad ever happens to her, at least not permanently. Even when she did lose her parents, she got Harry and Hermione in exchange.

"I know the feeling," Caitlin said. "The worst years of my life were spent in that orphanage. Not that they were cruel in any way to me, because they weren't, but I was just a number; unloved and unwanted. My life only started when I met Jamie."

And this flashback is to the scene where Jamie introduces Caitlin to Pureheart the unicorn, who's still conspicuously absent from the present. He doesn't seem to care that his mistress is dead. Not that I like him in any way, but consistency all but demands that he should show up now. Especially when we're having flashbacks to his introduction.

"Not any more than they do you!" Caitlin argued. "Actually sometimes I think you're Dad's favorite."
"I love it when he holds me on his lap," Emily confessed. "Caitlin, do you think I might be gay?"
"Why would you ask that?" Caitlin asked disbelievingly.
"Because I like it when you hold me, " Emily admitted. "I feel all warm and loved."

I think we all know what this is foreshadowing by now, more's the pity. That it follows straight on from a comment about how she likes to sit on Harry's lap really doesn't help. We get a flashback about how Caitlin hilariously mistakes Jamie for gay, and then this:

"I know that now," Caitlin said, "but the first time I walked in on her nude when she was alone with Amanda, I sort of jumped to conclusions."
"Yeah, I guess if anyone saw us they might jump to the same conclusion," Emily sighed.

... no comment.

"Did you know they were planning on making love for the first time on Valentine's Day?"
"Jamie and Alex?" Caitlin questioned.

No, Bill and Ben. Who do you think? Cut to Monday morning, where Harry and Hermione are getting ready for the funeral.

"Professor Granger, Professor Potter, may I speak please?" the mirror asked, tentatively.

It's everyone's favourite plot device!

"Thank you," the mirror responded. "It is pleasing to know that I am consider more than a possession. It is just that I am troubled. This time is not as it should be."
"We feel the same way," Harry said with a sigh. "No one so young should have their life ended so needlessly."
"No, but… yes," the mirror said, sounding confused and at the same time confusing Harry and Hermione.

Yeah but no but yeah.

"Although I can see many different possible futures," the mirror attempted to explained, "I have no way of telling which one will actually become reality, but once the future becomes the present, I know it was meant to be - or not meant to be. The thread of time you are now living is wrong. Jamie Zacherley was not supposed to die on Saturday."
"But she did die," Harry said, tears threatening to burst from his eyes. Both angered and confused, his voice shook. "Are you saying… that someone deliberately went back in time… and altered the events of that day… and caused Jamie's death? Who would do such a thing?"

This question is framed as "who could possibly want to kill the sainted Sue?", but makes far more sense as "why would anyone go to that much trouble to bump off a sixteen-year-old student witch?"

"That is one possibility," the mirror admitted. "The other would be that someone failed to prevent the tragedy."
"That makes no sense, Mirror," Harry said pointedly.

That's never stopped anything in Hogwarts Exposed before.

"Yes, but we had a Timer Turner then," Harry said impatiently. "If we had one at our disposal on Saturday we could have gone back and prevented Jamie death, but we didn't."
"But what if we did, and didn't use it!" Hermione said horrified, bursting into tears. "Harry, I think I'm responsible for Jamie dying."
Harry stared at Hermione incredulously as she dashed to their walk-in wardrobe and started throwing things all over the place.
Finally, she found the object of her search buried behind some shoes and books. She looked at the box nervously as she thought back to her wedding night.

This conjures up all kinds of images, but it's actually the box Harry tripped over in the darkened wardrobe in Exposed Chapter 24, in another semi-decent bit of foreshadowing. It contains a Time-Turner that McGonagall left for them, because she's so likely to leave a priceless and potentially incredibly dangerous magical device lying around without giving them any clue that it was even there.

Hermione threw herself on the bed and began bawling uncontrollably.
"Hermione, don't cry," Harry begged. "We can make it right. I can go back."

Or, you know, Hermione could go back. Considering that it's her Time-Turner and she has prior experience of using them and is just as capable if not more so than you. I really hate what this author has done with Hermione.

Hermione nodded and started changing as Harry rushed off to get Alex, Emily and Caitlin.
"Are you wearing that to the ceremony?" Caitlin questioned as she entered her parents' bedroom and was surprised at seeing Hermione no longer dressed for the service.
"Harry and I aren't going to the ceremony," Hermione stated resolutely. "If all goes correctly, neither will you."
"But…" Emily started to say before being interrupted by Harry.
"Hermione and I have come into possession of a Time Turner," Harry announced. "We intend to go back in time forty-eight hours and prevent Jamie's death."
"Isn't that verging on dark magic?" Emily inquired.

Uh, no? It's ill-advised, sure, but the Sixth Law isn't an actual thing in the Potterverse.

Hermione nodded her head. "Usually yes, but not in this case. The mirror informs us that Jamie should not have died. This current timeline should not exist. Either someone went back in time and caused Jamie's death or someone who was supposed to prevent it failed to do so. We intend to make time exist as it should, but what we propose to do is not without risk. A Time Turner is not intended for use over such a long period of time, plus we are changing the thread of time.from which we exist. We could be lost in time, neither a part of this thread or the one we hope to create. We could conceivably cease to exist."

And the Mirror of Ytidun is all-knowing.

"Then don't do it," Emily pleaded. "I love Jamie. I'd give almost anything for her not to have died, but I can't bare to lose you both, too"

Okay, I take it back. This is the best Freudian slip ever.

"Let me go instead," Alex beseeched. "The girls need you and without Jamie, my life isn't worth living."
Harry shook his head no.


If we fail to change the timeline, however, you probably will, unfortunately, remember this conversation. In the worst-case scenario, we cease to exist and will seem to just disappear before your eyes. You will be aware of what happened and your lives will continue.

Apparently, it's possible for them to delete themselves from the timeline without affecting anyone else at all. How that works is anyone's guess. They don't exist, but everything else is unchanged: it's like ITWATN's Teddy Lupin in reverse.

The room was then empty. It was eleven o'clock on the previous Saturday.
"It looks like we made it back to Saturday," Harry said, relieved.

There's a certain redundancy here.

"Yes," Hermione said sighing. "Now I wish we had given ourselves a little more time, but forty-eight hours already seemed extremely long."

I doubt, you know, going back forty-nine or fifty hours would be that much more troublesome than forty-eight.

"Our first course of action is to get to Diagon Alley," Harry said. "Should we fly off Hogwarts grounds and then Apparate, or would you prefer I create at Portkey."
"Considering my current situation, I'd prefer a train ride," Hermione said, "but I imagine that's not an option.

The Exposed!Hogwarts Express probably would get them there in time.

I don't feel at ease Apparating under my present condition.

I like how the author only now remembers that she's meant to be pregnant.

Her feet touched the ground as Harry released his grip. "Nice landing, Mr. Potter," Hermione said, before quickly surveying their arrival point.
Harry had deposited them directly in front of Ollivanders. They both looked around to see if anyone had noticed their arrival.

If they had, would they care? Diagon Alley must get loads of people Apparating and Portkeying in at all hours of the day and night, and being seen by random passers-by as opposed to people who know they're supposed to be somewhere else is hardly going to be a problem. Hell, if they saw Jamie and Alex themselves they could just claim that something had come up and they needed to urgently Portkey to Diagon Alley, which would technically be true.

"Well," Hermione said with a little thought. "Didn't Alex say that Mr. Ollivander was about to go to lunch? I could do a locking charm and conjure an 'out to lunch' sign for the door just prior to Jamie and Alex arriving."
"That should do the trick," Harry said confidentially. "If we can keep them out of the shop until after the clock has sounded twelve, the timeline will have been changed."

A legitimately well foreshadowed plan, albeit not a very good one for reasons I'll go into in a minute.

"Here they come," Harry said interrupting Hermione. "Will you look at the two of them? Have you ever seen two people so obviously in love."

Uh, no? Like I said, we were always being told how special the bond between Jamie and Alex was without being shown it quite so much. So they lock the door and modify the sign so it says "out to lunch", and Jamie and Alex don't enter the shop and exit stage left.

"All we have to do now is wait for the clock to chime," Hermione said, her body quaking.
"I wish there was a way we could have prevented the destruction of Mr. Ollivander's shop," Harry sighed, "but without the Invisibility Cloak, there was simply too much chance of being seen."
"Mr. Ollivander!" Hermione shouted in panic as the clock began to chime twelve. "Alex said he was in the backroom when they came into the shop. With them not entering the shop, he's had no reason to leave it. Harry, by saving Jamie we've killed Mr. Ollivander!"

They could have gone into the shop, told Ollivander that they'd received intel that there was a bomb in there, got everyone out and explained to Jamie and Alex that they'd taken an emergency Portkey if they met them. That said, they were very much making this up as they went along (rather like the author) so can't necessarily be expected to have got everything right.

Harry didn't hesitate. He released his grasp on Hermione and began to dart toward the shop.
"NO! HARRY!," she screamed, lunging for him, but instead of grabbing him and stopping his progress, her arm passed through his body as if he were a ghost. Hermione found herself lying in the street watching helplessly as Harry, still running toward the shop, faded out of existence.
She reach out and squeezed her wrist tightly; it unquestionably felt solid. WHY! Why if Harry had faded out of existence was she still here. Whatever the consequences of their action, they were supposed to be together.

This is one of the least bad cliffhangers we've had in Hogwarts Exposed, and not coincidentally it's the one with the strongest element of "what will they do now?" in it.


( 35 comments — Leave a comment )
Apr. 15th, 2013 11:42 pm (UTC)
Oooooh, now EVERYONE dies!

No, they'll all get better and blah blah blah because we can't ever have anything bad happening to our leads.

This story is making me into a horrible person. AS soon as I read that the three girls were tending the hurt my first thoughts were "Oh course they are. Stuck up little snots."
Apr. 16th, 2013 12:00 am (UTC)
"As smart as she was," Lisa added, "she never learned how to be cruel or hate. I think that's why everyone loved her so."


"Definitely naked," Amanda said, a tiny smile breaking through the tears. "I'm sure where she's gone they don't discriminate against nudists."

"Too bad they discriminate against Mary Sues."

All the "joining" and "chosen" cultspeak and even the talk of marriage doesn't change anything when the relationship itself is as generic as theirs was.

And how. Jamie/Alex is like the Platonic ideal of generic fanfic Informed Romances.

"Jamie Zacherley was not supposed to die on Saturday."

"She was supposed to die on Friday, but Bill Smoke was having his hair done that day."

And the Mirror of Ytidun is all-knowing.

Yeah, where was it with its ultra-specific prophecies during Voldemort's reign? Did it turn up five minutes before his defeat with Starbucks?
Apr. 16th, 2013 01:08 am (UTC)
Yeah, where was it with its ultra-specific prophecies during Voldemort's reign? Did it turn up five minutes before his defeat with Starbucks?

I take it the mirror isn't something he lifted from Psychic Serpent, then?
Apr. 16th, 2013 04:49 am (UTC)
No, I think all the prophecies in PS came from Trelawney.
Apr. 16th, 2013 01:00 am (UTC)
What's next chapter? Emily and Caitlin pseudo-incestuousnesses?
Apr. 16th, 2013 01:07 am (UTC)
That's entirely offscreen, thankfully, and much of the WTF is provided by how Harry and Hermione react. There's also the Jamie/Alex "joining" scene after which the chapter is named, taking up almost a third of its word count; however bad you're expecting it to be, it's worse.
Apr. 16th, 2013 08:03 am (UTC)
Ugh. I think I'd prefer the Caitlin/Emily 69...
Apr. 16th, 2013 09:03 am (UTC)
It, at least, isn't 3000 words long.
Apr. 16th, 2013 01:30 am (UTC)
Annnnnd she can just use the time turner to go back and stop him?
Apr. 16th, 2013 03:26 am (UTC)
I'm confused. Did Neil actually say that he would retcon chapter 23 out of existence, or does he just never mention it again?
Apr. 16th, 2013 06:35 am (UTC)
Never mentions it again.
Apr. 16th, 2013 04:30 am (UTC)
You know you suck at character creation when the audience is disappointed one of the protagonists is coming back.

This whole chapter pretty much solidifies my loathing for time travel in stories. Unless time travel is the whole plot that's been spelled out since the beginning (Doctor Who, though I dislike it, is an example of this) or it's Back to the Future, time travel always ends up being a convoluted plotholely mess.

Seeing as this fic did not set up time travel as the backbone of the plot and it's not Back to the Future, no points of Niel. And a headshake of disappointment for the "hold on can we get naked before our super serious my-sister-just-died discussion" because REALLY?
Apr. 16th, 2013 07:35 am (UTC)
Even being the whole plot is no guarantee it'll work: see ITWATN and especially what it does with Teddy Lupin for an example. PoU makes good use of time travel elements (the author is a Doctor Who fan and it sometimes does show) and I bet that's what led Neil to think he could or even should use it himself.
Apr. 16th, 2013 02:58 pm (UTC)
Oh god I forgot about ITWATN. Is that one over or would that be too merciful?

I did read ahead to the end of Too Exposed since it's almost over. And I thought that this story couldn't get any fucking creepier I WAS WRONG. THE AUTHOR MUST BE USING BLACK MAGIC TO MAKE CHARACTERS THIS UNLIKEABLE.
Apr. 16th, 2013 03:12 pm (UTC)
ITWATN: I've sporked six chapters out of twenty-six, and intend to return to finish the job.

The next chapter is horrible. I haven't read ahead of that, but... 3000 words of the worst sex scene that will ever have featured on this journal (which I've only skim-read but already know it's that bad) not to mention Harry and Hermione failing parenting for ever and ever.
Apr. 16th, 2013 04:43 am (UTC)
"I'll contact Ron as soon as we get to our quarters," he assured Hermione. "The two of us will find them."


Yes, Harry and Ron. Harry...and Ron. No need for Hermione "Most Talented Witch of Her Generation" Granger to come along...

I mean, I guess she's too busy being emotionally destroyed due to her being a woman, mirite?!

Am I...right!?



You're telling me that a woman who boldly set her emotions aside and continued to help Harry even after the man she loved abandoned her would be too fucking distraught to try and find her remaining daughters!?


You think this Hermione you wrote is COMPARABLE to the one that JKR wrote!? DO YOU!?


Apr. 16th, 2013 07:36 am (UTC)
I couldn't have put it better myself.
Apr. 16th, 2013 08:04 am (UTC)
How would you have put it?
Apr. 16th, 2013 01:05 pm (UTC)
All I'd have added was that Hermione is also a hyperempathic healer in this story: exactly the kind of person they need on the scene. Even less excuse to leave her in the kitchen behind.
Apr. 16th, 2013 04:45 am (UTC)
(And wouldn't Hermione and Snape, who also happen to have this ultra-rare gift, be useful right now?)

I guess Snape's too busy fucking Ginny and Hermione, as we've already established, is a woman and is therefore too emotionally unstable to be of any help in this situation.
Apr. 16th, 2013 04:48 am (UTC)
Because even what could be a legitimately dramatic scene has to pause to fill the nudity quota. Of course, the fact that everyone is now bollock naked lends a surreal air to the proceedings, making the whole scene all but impossible to take seriously.

With that one sentence by Neil, my complete and utter fury at this scene and the lead-up to it was gone, replaced by raucous laughter. I mean...wow. Just wow.
Apr. 16th, 2013 05:12 am (UTC)
"But what if we did, and didn't use it!" Hermione said horrified, bursting into tears. "Harry, I think I'm responsible for Jamie dying."


What sort of logic...what!?
Apr. 16th, 2013 09:30 am (UTC)
I've heard of a guilt complex, but "I didn't know we had a restricted magical device concealed in our quarters, so it's my fault we didn't go back in time" takes it beyond plausibility.
Apr. 16th, 2013 05:19 am (UTC)
I really hate what this author has done with Hermione.

See: My rant at the beginning of this chapter prior to the farcical manner in which Neil interrupted his "dramatic" scene...
Apr. 16th, 2013 05:23 am (UTC)
"Will you look at the two of them? Have you ever seen two people so obviously in love."

Because, as we all know, an urgent situation with lives depending on your actions requires you to witter on about "how cute" a couple looks...
Apr. 16th, 2013 05:26 am (UTC)
This is one of the least bad cliffhangers we've had in Hogwarts Exposed, and not coincidentally it's the one with the strongest element of "what will they do now?" in it.


In fact, this has a bit of Fridge Brilliance in it: What happens to Time-Turner users who create a timeline with no Stable Time Loop?
Apr. 16th, 2013 06:10 am (UTC)
Ugh... I just got the news about the Boston Marathon bombs, I'm trying to distract myself with some badfic and guess what happens?

Edited at 2013-04-16 06:12 am (UTC)
Apr. 16th, 2013 06:22 am (UTC)
Also, completely unrelated to my other comment, that mirror reminds me more of Quantum Leap each time it shows up.
Apr. 16th, 2013 11:54 pm (UTC)
And all the while, Hermione is going "Ziggy, why haven't I leapt yet???"
Apr. 17th, 2013 07:27 pm (UTC)
Oh boy...
Wonder how Al would react to that leap... and seeing Sam-as-nudist!Hermione. "Well, ain't that a kick in the butt."
Apr. 16th, 2013 10:05 pm (UTC)
The Boston bombing just made me realize what I really hate about this chapter. We're only suppose to care about Jamie. Who gives a fuck about anyone else who was hurt or killed? We need to only care about HER and save HER when other people lost those that they are close to.

Honestly now the Potters (and most of the wizard world) just come off as pricks if they can go back in time and save someone that THEY love. All those other bombings and people killed off? Who cares about THEM?

/rage rant
Apr. 16th, 2013 10:51 pm (UTC)
Now you mention it: they could easily have gone back in time and gone to London as they did, but gone to the Aurors and said they'd found out about the bomb plot. (They're Harry and Hermione; nobody would question how. And as adults with access to Apparition, Portkeys and the rest, they wouldn't trigger any "how can they be in two places at once?" problems either, as long as they took care not to meet themselves.) Protagonist-centred morality at its most despicable.
Apr. 18th, 2013 09:02 am (UTC)
Apr. 17th, 2013 01:23 pm (UTC)
So Jamie can't even stay dead for one whole chapter before she gets "ressurected"? Why even bother in the first place, aside from quick drama?
Apr. 17th, 2013 09:32 pm (UTC)
My thoughts exactly.
( 35 comments — Leave a comment )


Dark Dungeons: play a ninja
Red Pen Reviews

Latest Month

April 2016


Locations of visitors to this page

Powered by LiveJournal.com
Designed by Tiffany Chow