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In This World and the Next Chapter 9

Dark Dungeons: play a ninja
It's been a while, I know, but I'm back. I can't make any promises as to a schedule, but I'm hoping to get cracking with this and Hogwarts Overexposed over the coming year.

Also, if you haven't already, check out A Perfectly Ordinary Nightmare: I wrote it as a reaction to the first chapter of ITWATN. It's basically how that set-up would pan out if everyone was in character. Suffice to say, we never get to the exploding Dementor.

Disclaimer: Don't own Harry Potter or the last three books would certainly have been different.

We'd probably have had Harry Potter and the Gratuitous Rape Scene, Harry Potter and the Gary Stu and Harry Potter and the Comma Splices.

Emma was pacing up and down inside the Leaky Cauldron, Sirius had assured her they were fine and Hedwig had also delivered a note from the pair confirming the same, as well as giving her a time when they would be home. While Emma believed the evidence, the mother in her still needed to see Hermione and Harry with her own eyes before she could relax.

Reading this so soon after Hogwarts Too Exposed, whose closing scenes featured a completely different Emma, is nothing short of surreal. The only thing stopping me from now picturing Mrs Granger as Emma Wrong is that I haven't the first clue what the latter looks like.

The pair exited the floo to find themselves tightly engulfed in Emma's arms. All those times Harry stepped off the express and watched as the other children received hugs from their parents flashed through his mind, now he had someone who love and hugged him.
"I know it seems silly but

"... this is ITWATN and that's how it goes."

I just had to see for myself that you were ok, I couldn't wait until you came home."
Harry was revelling in the experience of a mother's love, the fact that it was Emma Granger and she loved him as 'just Harry' made it all the sweeter for him.

Kind of like when he met Mrs Weasley then. Oh, wait, she was evil for no adequately explored reason. Considering the author actually claims to like the first four books, that started in Chamber of Secrets.

Harry cornered Emma for a private word, "I'm going to disappear for a few minutes, I need to get something for Hermione. This will be her first birthday as Mrs Potter and I might just be able to find the perfect gift for my wife."

A book.

Hermione didn't notice he was gone. Fourteen books later she was ready to leave but couldn't fail to notice the large smile on her husband's face, it was also hard to miss the way his arms were hiding something behind his back.
"I know it's not your birthday until Wednesday but this couldn't wait." From behind his back Harry produced a pet carrying basket that contained a kitten, a kitten that from first glance was unmistakable.
"Crookshanks!"

Okay, I'll give you Crookshanks. Fair play. I do wonder if this author will pull a Hogwarts Exposed and immediately forget that he exists, though.

"I didn't know if he would be there yet, the little guy ambled straight over to me. He appeared to understand I was there to buy him."

So Crookshanks has plot telepathy too. The one thing that would at least partly redeem this fic would be if the whole thing turned out to have been orchestrated by Crookshanks.

Hermione now had the carrier in her hands and was talking through the bars to a clearly delighted kitten. "Oh he's such a clever boy, even as a baby he's the smartest cat in the country. Aren't you Crookshanks? Not as clever as your daddy though."
A happy, if somewhat bemused Harry was kissed in thanks.

For all the POV flits around the place like a moth on speed, Hermione doesn't seem to get anything like her fair share. To the point of describing her reaction in the passive voice. This wouldn't be such a problem if she hadn't been named in the header as a main character, or if the POV remained consistent throughout.

"Eh Hermione, Daddy?"
"Well Harry you have to get some practice in before the real thing comes along."
Harry thought his face couldn't get any redder, or his smile any wider until Emma hugged them both. "That sounds great, just not for a good few years yet. I'm thirty five and don't want to be a grandmother before becoming forty!"

Because that's a more pressing concern than, you know, your daughter becoming pregnant and giving birth when she's physically twelve.

Hermione's eyes practically glazed over,

Her normal state in this fic.

"That would make me seventeen, I can live with that."

Okay, who are you and what the hell have you done with Hermione Granger?

Harry was sure he was going to do an impression of Marge Dursley, floating right out of the shop and off into the sky. He felt lighter than he did when flying his broom earlier.

Considering he's meant to be really happy, I don't think Marge Dursley is the comparison who'd spring immediately to mind. The broom thing makes a lot more sense in context.

Hermione was ignoring her father's comments and instead asked Sirius a question, "Did you invite the Tonks' over for dinner on Sunday?"
"Yes they're coming, it was good to see Andi again. I'd only met Ted a handful of times and their daughter has grown into a beautiful young woman, who just happens to hate her first name. She insists everyone calls her Tonks."

Considering that Sirius knows that SCBE and not!Hermione know the Tonkses, I don't know why he feels the need to explain who Tonks herself is.

That brought a smile to Harry's face, "Yeah we know, Remus was also invited and definitely coming."
This puzzled the marauder for a minute, "Why did you invite...no bloody way! I'm her head of house and won't allow it."

Since when, precisely, was Sirius a Hufflepuff? And since when could someone's head of house veto their marriage?

Sirius found himself thrown from his chair and pinned to the wall by an invisible, yet very powerful force, Harry's expression as he faced his godfather was one of pure fury. "You will do nothing and say nothing, this doesn't concern you. You were dead by the time they got together and will not interfere this time either."

Part of why this review stalled so badly is that I was running out of ways to say, "Harry in this fic is a complete dickhead." That, and I was trying to read a few of this author's numerous fics at once and one is frankly too many. Even if the actual content was bearable, his writing is the closest thing to the literary equivalent of the Brown Note I've had the misfortune to come across. While it isn't as bad as most of the other fics I've featured here, insofar as it's possible to talk about badness objectively, there's just something about it that leaves me reaching for the ibuprofen. I don't know if it's the comma splices that would make anyone reading it aloud hyperventilate after a few paragraphs, or just the general tone that reads as though the author is grabbing us by the throat and screaming into our faces at foghorn volume, or trying to make sense of who's thinking what when the POV can't stay still, or what's changed but what's inexplicably the same in the new universe. (On the "reading aloud" bit, apparently there are podcasts. Whoever did them, assuming they didn't use a text-to-speech generator, must have the lung capacity of a whale.)

Anyway, I digress. SCBE has just assaulted the guy he took on the entire Ministry to break out of Azkaban because he disagreed with him, and it barely makes it any better that (for once in this story) he actually gets called on it.

Harry felt a pair of arms go comfortingly around him, they were not his wife's. "Harry this is not the way. Sirius doesn't know what's going on yet you are expecting him to make decisions based only on you saying it needs to be so. You both told me that was the way Dumbledore treated you and Hermione, you have to give him the relevant information."
Harry settled into Emma's embrace, her words had knocked all the fight out of him. To Harry, being compared to Dumbledore was nearly as bad as being likened to Voldemort. One bastard had sent him into the forbidden forest to die while the other had done his best to accomplish the deed.

One tried to take over the world and kill everyone he didn't like, and one tried to stop him. They're totally the same.

As her mother hugged Harry, Hermione approached Sirius. "Sirius, what would you do to save your godson's life?"
He looked directly into Harry's green eyes before answering, "Anything!"


Is SCBE looking in a mirror here, or where the fuck's the POV got to this time?

Hermione had expected no other answer, "And if you could give him back his parents?"

Oh, that's where. You'll forgive my confusion, because not!Hermione's POV isn't exactly familiar territory for this fic.

Sirius was now struggling to speak as his emotions swam very near the surface, "Hermione I would gladly give my life to bring back either of them. James was like a brother to me while Lily was a wonderful witch who we all adored."
Hermione knew this was painful

Not!Hermione and me both.

but the point had to be made, "Before his first birthday, Teddy Lupin had lost his mother, father, grandfather and godfather. Harry had made arrangements so he would be financially taken care of but we all know how well that worked out for my husband. Andi was a broken woman who clung to that baby like a security blanket, apart from Teddy her entire world had been destroyed."
Harry started speaking, drawing strength from still being held in Emma's arms. "Tonks was in the room of requirements, even though she was a fully trained auror, Remus refused to let her fight in case anything happened to him.

And why didn't she refuse to let him fight, considering that she was after all a trained Auror?

Harry was struggling to keep his emotions under control

ITWATN in a nutshell. Honestly, OotP!Harry looks calm and well adjusted next to the supposedly adult SCBE.

as he gave voice to one of his greatest fears. "Coming back in time has probably killed my godson, the changes we've made and continue to make see the chances of him ever being born decrease almost daily.

They can't decrease from zero. So much changed in this universe right from the outset that any child that Tonks and Lupin would have wouldn't be the same Teddy Lupin that Harry left behind. I wouldn't mind so much if SCBE was presented as being wrong in his belief that he'll get Teddy back this way, but everyone just goes along with it.

The war made it possible for his parents to connect so, as we have no intention of letting things get to that stage, we are trying desperate measures. It's highly unlikely that we will ever be using Grimmaud Place as a hideout and Dumbledore can stick his order of the phoenix right up his wrinkly old arse."

Because who cares about defeating Voldemort when SCBE's got an ego to stroke?

Godson and godfather had tears streaming down their cheeks now, "We love both Tonks and Remus, our intention is to have them in our company as often as possible.

And who's even talking here? That's not how you format dialogue.

It may have been the war that brought them together but the spark had to be there or it never would have worked. We're just going to have to do the best we can with what we've got. Tonks was the one who chased after Remus, he thought she was too young, too beautiful and way too good for someone with his furry little problem. He loved her with all his heart though and she gradually wore him down, forcing the stubborn bugger to accept he could be happy."

And who's to say that he couldn't have been happy with someone else in the alternate universe?

Harry was now openly sobbing and struggling to remain coherent,

Since when has he ever been coherent in this fic?

"I held my godson in my arms the day before Hermione and me were killed, we invited Andi over here for Christmas dinner with the intention of coaxing her to return to Australia with us. There was nothing left for any of us in Britain."

Yes, because you abandoned everyone to be inexplicably taken over by the shattered remnants of Voldemort's army in the first place. Even the story itself implies that none of this would have happened if Harry had stayed behind.

Emma passed Harry to Sirius as both of them were now openly crying, "Sirius, it was the best feeling in the world to hold my godson. He changed his hair and eyes to match mine, he looked like my son. When Hermione held him, Teddy did the same with her and everything I ever wanted in life was standing right in front of me. Teddy Lupin was the reason I finally pulled my finger out and asked my Hermione to be my wife."

So if you proposed to "your Hermione" (ugh) the day before you were both killed, how on Earth did you actually manage to get married?

Hermione joined their embrace as Harry continued, he needed to get this off his chest. "By coming back in time I might have killed my godson and it's eating me away. I can't do a Dumbledore and console myself this is a greater good scenario because I don't think it is."

So SCBE needs to soothe his guilt complex by interfering with the lives of two people who don't even know him yet in order that they have a child who won't be the same person as the one he's feeling guilty about.

Hermione was holding Harry tightly as she continued the explanation for her husband. "What you need to understand is that Teddy was a symbol of hope, a beacon to the light side of what we were fighting for. We wanted a world where an auror and a werewolf could marry and be allowed to raise beautiful children in peace, we fought with everything we had yet ended up with a society more bigoted and perverted than we have now."

No, you didn't fight with everything you had. You buggered off to the other side of the world at the first opportunity!

Dan had deliberately stayed out of the argument, he could tell there was something really bothering Harry and it was now out in the open. In Australia they had grown quiet close, Harry had needed someone to unload all the shit he'd been carrying around with him for years and Dan had become that someone.

This is the only shit in the chapter and there are no fucks at all. It's clean by ITWATN standards.

Hermione had done the same with her mother and between the two of them, the parents began to see the whole picture. The revelation of what had happened to his girl had almost broke Dan, by this time he knew Harry well enough to know his reaction would have been exactly the same as Dan's, a redhead would have to die.

Damn the evil ginger conspiracy!

Both Emma and Dan had detected a change in Harry when he came back from visiting the Tonks, they now understood he was trying to find the courage to ask Hermione to be his wife. Both parents would have been ecstatic with that news, heading back to Australia with the Tonks for company and a wedding to plan. Instead, almost seven and a half years was wiped out, Dan and Emma had been so fixated on the kids they'd hardly given a thought to the likelihood of Teddy not being born.

Nobody seems to have given this any thought at all, or they'd know that it was completely impossible at this point for Teddy to be born.

Harry Potter was an extremely deep young man,

Just telling us this isn't going to make him any less of a self-centred bellend.

Dan was glad that he at least now appeared to be opening up to Hermione. It was blatantly obvious she knew exactly why he reacted the way he did. Before she would have known what he was feeling but not necessarily why, Harry did exactly the same with Hermione. They supported one another unconditionally, understanding that they would be told what the problem was sooner or later. That they could talk things through had really moved their relationship to a whole new level of support, though Dan would bet their house that Emma was already working on ways to get Tonks and Remus together.

But be damned if we're actually going to be shown any of this.

Harry awoke to find his wife entwined with him, their limbs interlocking as she attempted to hug every part of him simultaneously.

Remember that they're physically eleven. Though you may prefer not to.

Last night had been emotionally draining but strangely cleansing as well, there were now four people who knew his greatest fear with each of them pledging their help and support. Harry hadn't realised how much he'd enjoyed and needed his chats with Dan until they were no longer there, he intended to reinstate them as soon as possible and may even include Sirius.

Yet another problem with this fic is that all the actual character development seems to take place in scenes that are glossed over like his. Harry and Dan, and I'm still pissed off at that, have these wonderful Man Chats™ but we never actually get to see them. It's quite an achievement to get 164,711 words when half the story is missing.

The knowledge that he would wake up like this with Hermione in his arms for the rest of his life had started Harry's day with a smile since their return. Truth be told, after the emotional rollercoaster of last night, he could quite happily spend the full day lying here snuggling with his wife.
The thought of having to spend time with Ginny Weasley was no encouragement to get out of bed but Luna was expecting them, and it would be a cold day in hell before Harry or Hermione deliberately let down Luna Lovegood.

Ginny is evil only she's not but he's still acting as though she is, and hell if I know what even the point is of Luna in this fic. It's not quite as bad as Knowledge is Power in that regard, where she pairs off with Neville and proceeds to stand around like a lamp (with thanks to sith_droideka for that line) doing sweet FA.

"Actually, I was thinking that if we didn't have to meet Luna today I could have happily spent the day like this. Just lying here holding my beautiful new wife might be my new patronus memory."
Hermione rested her forehead on his, "Harry you shouldn't say things like that, it'll go straight to my head."


Which is just what she needs. In a way, not!Hermione's problem is the opposite of SCBE's, in that she's not got enough of an ego and he's got far too much.

Ginny was pacing up and down the Lovegood's living room, glancing at the fireplace every few seconds in a fair imitation of Emma Granger at the Leaky Cauldron the day before.

Keep in mind for a bit later that we're already in the POV of someone who saw Mrs Granger at the Leaky Cauldron.

"Ginny, could you please stop getting your knickers in a twist over this. You've met them before and they're nice people."
"Yes I've met them before, the station, Hogwarts and then my dad having to petrify my mother so she wouldn't attack them in the pub.

She made him do it. Not that she had any reasonable basis to be angry at the people who attacked her family on more than one occasion and stole their house.

Hermione had her hand on her wand the entire time we were in the Leaky Cauldron, talk about making a good first impression."

I don't blame her for being a bit dubious here. I would be too.

Luna shook her head at her friend and now roommate, "Ginny just be yourself, stop worrying about what they'll think. Let them see the real Ginny Weasley, my best friend."
Ginny stopped her pacing and stared directly at Luna, "What if I don't know who the real Ginny is? What if I don't like her and want to change?"
Luna could see her friend was working herself into a state, "Ginny, we're ten, we change almost daily. I'm just concerned you're trying to be someone you're not. I like the idea of reading books and studying but it has to be because you want to do it, not to impress someone else."
"Luna, I am doing this for me! There is so much more to life than what my future was supposed to be. This Ginny Weasley will not be a stay at home wife who has a husband that gets sent out to earn the upkeep of an ever increasing family. I refuse to be another Molly Weasley."

Truly a fate worse than death. And this doesn't sound remotely like a conversation between two ten-year-olds.

Ginny then noticed that Luna wasn't looking at her, rather at a spot behind her. "The Potters are here, aren't they?"

A twist that was completely spoiled by the fact that we were in their POV right at the beginning of the scene.

Luna gave a big smile and enthusiastically nodded.
Ginny groaned, "How long have they been standing there, why didn't you tell me and will someone just kill me now?"
Ginny heard Hermione's voice from behind her, "Please excuse me for saying this Ginny but not wanting to become another Molly Weasley is a cause for celebration in my book. I know she's your mother and I'm grateful that even you think one of her is enough.

I've banged on about this enough, but I'm never going to accept that Molly is supposed to be a bad person for supporting her family.

Now how about showing us around?"
Luna sprang up and grabbed Harry by the arm before beginning to drag him out the house. "You'll have to excuse Ginny, she has a bad infestation of hero worship that has her acting all confounded."
Harry wanted to put an end to this quickly, before elbows ended up implanted in butter dishes. "I'm nothing special Luna!"


"I only think I'm more important than the fate of the entire world, and am currently hatching a scheme to manipulate the lives of two people who've never met me for the sake of my own unresolved issues. Why would anyone ever think I was a self-centred bellend?"

Luna was giggling like mad as she led / dragged a confused Harry from the house, leaving Hermione with the decision of whether to just follow on or talk to the clearly mortified, face- hiding redhead. She decided to give the girl a chance, "So Ginny, are you enjoying staying with Luna?"
She removed her hands from her blushing face, "Up until a moment ago, I was. My other option was my Auntie Muriel, I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy."
Hermione visibly winced at her memories of the woman,

Those two hours or so in which she barely interacted with her clearly having made an impression.

Ginny noticed though which forced Hermione to come up with an explanation. "Every family has one, mine is my Auntie Agnes, I think I would prefer an orphanage to staying with her. Shouldn't we be going? Luna has just made off with my husband."

I like how the fact that two eleven-year-olds are married is presented completely matter of fact, and everyone who's not evil just accepts it offhand. And by "like", I mean "WTF".

"That's Luna," Ginny was smiling before becoming serious, "She can seem a little quirky but that's just who she is. Her mother died almost a year ago and it affected her greatly. The Weasleys and Diggorys were the only other magical families that lived in this area and she's been so lonely. Luna's been very excited by the thought that you are moving here and want to be her friends, please don't make fun of her if she says something strange."
Hermione took Ginny by the arm and started leading her toward the door, "Not a chance Ginny, not a chance."

And this, as far as I can tell, is Luna's role in the fic. Not as an actual protagonist or supporting character, but a prop to show how wonderfully magnanimous the sainted Lord and Lady Potter are. As is Ginny, come to think of it, in a different way.

Luna meanwhile was telling Harry why Ginny thought Hermione was such a good role model, and explaining that she'd dragged him out of there to give the two of them a chance to talk to each other. "It was either that or Ginny would spend the entire day following Hermione around like a little lost poppy, blushing like mad every time your wife looked in her direction."

Because flowers are noted for following people around.

Ginny was understandably apprehensive about visiting the site of her former home, when they arrive she received quite the shock. Not only were all traces of her former home obliterated, the entire landscape had been changed. Trees had been magically uprooted and planted precisely where the Potter plans stipulated they should be, a Quidditch pitch was being constructed with seats for viewing being built up the hillside. The water hole was gone because the new house would have a pool and the orchard had also been moved to become part of a massive back garden. A real road now approached the building and ended at a triple garage that would have a self contained flat above it.

Probably a very nice place to live. Still has less than 1% of the character of the Burrow.

Harry and Hermione were delighted with the progress, they'd paid the builder extra to get the job completed faster. The fact that the customer was Harry Potter saw the builder's entire workforce concentrating on this one job, the prestige of being chosen to build the Potter home would see their order books swell. They wouldn't even have to advertise, there were only so many magical builders in Britain and the word had already spread.

All hail the magnificent Lord Fuckwit.

Harry was aware that they would have to change attitudes if they wanted to bring positive changes to their world in Britain. Luna and even Ginny were always likely to come down on their side in any battle of hearts and minds, but that wasn't going to be enough. He had an idea how to start making changes though and from a small acorn a giant oak tree grows, he could only hope to provide the right conditions for the seed to germinate.

Defeating Voldemort might be a start.

"Well since I've just thought of it, that's perfectly understandable. I was thinking of speaking to mum and dad to arrange a surprise party and then my plans just got a lot grander. We'll have a party on Friday night and then spend all day Saturday at a theme park. I also wanted to get all our Hogwarts friends out the castle for the day as well. If we talk to the muggle studies professor we might be able to swing it as an educational trip." Harry could see the excitement build with the three witches. "With mum, dad, Sirius, Remus and maybe even Tonks, there should be more than enough adults to cover the group."
Ginny was almost hyperventilating from anticipation, a party, a sleepover and a visit to... "What's a theme park?"
Hermione understood what her husband was trying to achieve, a crash course in muggle studies for youngsters who'd no idea what they were letting themselves in for. Purebloods and roller coasters should be an interesting combination.




Luna watched as the couple kissed with their under construction home as a backdrop.

For the film poster, presumably. Again, let's forget that they're physically eleven.

Comments

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sith_droideka
Jan. 14th, 2014 03:08 am (UTC)
Okay, at least in KiP they didn't knock down the Burrow. Well, Lord Potter didn't knock down the Burrow.

On a side-note: as I've mentioned on tumblr before, I'm trying to write a spitefic crossover using Lord Potter as the main villain. But writing it has caused me to realize something: I have no idea what to do with Hermione. Luna's easy. She doesn't do anything. She stands there and looks pretty. Hermione does much the same thing, but she does more than Luna (not that that's hard...) and after eighteen years I'd expect some of Hermione's original characterization to come forward, only... warped and twisted, since the currency of PISS is power and someone like Hermione would probably be one of the best players at that game once all her humanity and empathy are removed.

But the question is, what does that amount to? How does Lady Potter think and act, compared to canon Hermione or KiP!Hermione, or even ITWATN!Hermione? Hermione here does pretty much nothing, just act like a 50s housewife (with less agency) whereas I want Lady Potter to be as credible a villain as Lord Potter or Lord Longbottom. What to do, what to do...

On a final note, I love how somehow ITWATN is worse in one chapter than PISS is for most of the story. At least at this point, Luna still has something to do. But considering ITWATN 11...
szaleniec1000
Jan. 14th, 2014 03:20 am (UTC)
You might want to read some dark!Hermione for ideas. I don't have any recs, but I know there's a fair bit out there.
(no subject) - sith_droideka - Jan. 14th, 2014 03:36 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - szaleniec1000 - Jan. 14th, 2014 04:10 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - sith_droideka - Jan. 14th, 2014 05:14 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - blueinkedpalm - Jan. 14th, 2014 08:59 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - sith_droideka - Jan. 15th, 2014 09:09 am (UTC) - Expand
duster
Jan. 15th, 2014 04:26 am (UTC)
I'm mad that my phone ate my last comment. I thought it was nice.

The amount of breaking "show, don't tell" is brutally murdering their characters.

Here we're shown fuck nothing as to why we should side with Harry and Hermione at all. There's absolutely no set-up for why these characters are sympathetic in the slightest. We're told everything sucks and the Weasleys did it in the span of what one paragraph? One paragraph is not enough to convince an audience to give a shit about the protagonists and their plight. Where's the build up? Where's the scenes showing the wizarding world falling apart? Where's the Weasley fall from grace? Nowhere. We're just told all this shit happens and expected to buy it. In original fiction it's just baffling and in fanfiction it's even worse because we know these characters. You gotta sell harder.

Harry and Hermione come across more as villains with petty grudges and poor impulse control than the heroes.

One more thing.

Sirius doesn't know what's going on yet you are expecting him to make decisions based only on you saying it needs to be so.
Sad attempt to lampshade is sad.
sith_droideka
Jan. 15th, 2014 05:13 am (UTC)
Well, the Weasley fall from grace was shown. The only problem is, from our perspective it's not an actual fall from grace. To us, Mrs. Weasley and Percy attacking SCBE for attacking the Weasley family is perfectly justified. To the in-universe characters, the Burrow being knocked down and Arthur shutting Molly up in the Leaky Cauldron. But we don't see the Burrow being knocked down or Arthur assaulting Molly for the sake of SCBE as being justified, while SCBE and the magical community don't see the attacks as being justified.

And a further thing with this author is two things: one, robst is amazing at writing villains, it's just that he doesn't know he's made them the main characters. Lord Potter in Knowledge is Power, another work of his, is an amazing manipulator when he's not swearing at everyone. And his Neville is frightening in what a logical extrapolation of living with Lord Potter and being waited hand-and-foot would turn him into: a power-mad bully who wanted to keep Bellatrix as a trophy and physically assaulted an Auror for insulting Luna's honor.

Second, robst also seems to have some sort of Schrödinger's population going on. Assuming that ITWATN is like KiP, the populace will simultaneously buy into blood supremacy and support Dumbledore whilst being pro-Potter and supporting his policies.
(no subject) - duster - Jan. 16th, 2014 04:41 am (UTC) - Expand
Jeremiah Smith
Jan. 16th, 2014 02:00 am (UTC)
Great to have you back, mate. I was afraid we'd lost you, there!

Disclaimer: Don't own Harry Potter or the last three books would certainly have been different.

Oh, right, forgot about this twat's hatred of the Order, Prince, and Hallows. Didn't stop him from basically lifting stuff like Luna and confident!Neville from them. Hypocritical ponce.
szaleniec1000
Jan. 16th, 2014 02:36 am (UTC)
Not to mention how he's perfectly willing to invalidate stuff from the earlier books when it suits him.

I thought I'd lost me too - I must admit I was wondering if I'd ever get back into the reviews. Cheers for the welcome back. :)

Edited at 2014-01-16 02:37 am (UTC)
(no subject) - sith_droideka - Jan. 16th, 2014 02:22 pm (UTC) - Expand
Jeremiah Smith
Jan. 16th, 2014 02:01 am (UTC)
The only thing stopping me from now picturing Mrs Granger as Emma Wrong is that I haven't the first clue what the latter looks like.

...sunnuvabitch, now that I think about it, I've never seen any sort of physical description for Wrong, either!
szaleniec1000
Jan. 16th, 2014 02:38 am (UTC)
If not for the fact that she's mentioned as having a face, I'd be perfectly willing to believe that she's either invisible or a stick figure. And then there's the fact that Damien can't recognise her (his own boss!) when said face appears in the fireplace.
Jeremiah Smith
Jan. 16th, 2014 02:04 am (UTC)
All those times Harry stepped off the express and watched as the other children received hugs from their parents flashed through his mind, now he had someone who love and hugged him.

Melodramatic cunt. I know the Dursleys were complete and utter assholes to him, oftentimes for no reason, but they still willingly sheltered and raised Harry! Which explains why Harry, in the end, was never vindictive or anything toward them, and wound up striking up a decent friendship with Dudley.

And goddamnit, Rowling, you should've put Dudley on Platform 9 3/4 with a kid in the epilogue! I know about "Vernon's DNA", but come on!
szaleniec1000
Jan. 16th, 2014 02:39 am (UTC)
I'd have loved to have seen that. It'd be the perfect resolution for his redemption arc.
Jeremiah Smith
Jan. 16th, 2014 02:05 am (UTC)
Kind of like when he met Mrs Weasley then. Oh, wait, she was evil for no adequately explored reason. Considering the author actually claims to like the first four books, that started in Chamber of Secrets.


I think I gritted off a layer of enamel reading that "just Harry" passage...
Jeremiah Smith
Jan. 16th, 2014 02:07 am (UTC)
Okay, I'll give you Crookshanks. Fair play. I do wonder if this author will pull a Hogwarts Exposed and immediately forget that he exists, though.

Yeah, too bad that doesn't make a lick of sense, considering that, IIRC, Crookshanks wasn't that old when Hermione got him in Prisoner, therefore he was probably born during their second year at the earliest.
szaleniec1000
Jan. 16th, 2014 02:48 am (UTC)
Good catch. I don't think he was a kitten, but he didn't strike me as a particularly old cat.
Jeremiah Smith
Jan. 16th, 2014 02:09 am (UTC)
"Well Harry you have to get some practice in before the real thing comes along."

GODDAMNIT, WHO TURNED THIS INTO HOGWARTS EXPOSED!?!?
Jeremiah Smith
Jan. 16th, 2014 02:15 am (UTC)
"That would make me seventeen, I can live with that."



Couldn't find a picture of Watson flipping the bird, but Stone works just fine!

Edited at 2014-01-16 02:17 am (UTC)
Jeremiah Smith
Jan. 16th, 2014 02:19 am (UTC)
"Yes they're coming, it was good to see Andi again. I'd only met Ted a handful of times and their daughter has grown into a beautiful young woman, who just happens to hate her first name. She insists everyone calls her Tonks."

Ah, yeah, robst also ripped Tonks out of the final three books, even though he hated them.

szaleniec1000
Jan. 16th, 2014 02:53 am (UTC)
And Teddy Lupin from Deathly Hallows, which I think he hated most of all.
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Jeremiah Smith
Jan. 16th, 2014 02:24 am (UTC)
Sirius found himself thrown from his chair and pinned to the wall by an invisible, yet very powerful force, Harry's expression as he faced his godfather was one of pure fury. "You will do nothing and say nothing, this doesn't concern you. You were dead by the time they got together and will not interfere this time either."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I1YcZ4oLuo4&t=25s

...

I think SCBE has Bipolar Disorder or some shit. That's the only explanation I can find for him just randomly attacking Sirius like this.
Jeremiah Smith
Jan. 16th, 2014 02:28 am (UTC)
Part of why this review stalled so badly is that I was running out of ways to say, "Harry in this fic is a complete dickhead." That, and I was trying to read a few of this author's numerous fics at once and one is frankly too many.

No kidding. I think we all understand, now: Robst's madness is best taken in tiny doses...
Jeremiah Smith
Jan. 16th, 2014 02:31 am (UTC)
To Harry, being compared to Dumbledore was nearly as bad as being likened to Voldemort. One bastard had sent him into the forbidden forest to die while the other had done his best to accomplish the deed.

I love how Robst Harry is conveniently forgetting that Dumbledore knew, all along, that Harry wasn't going to die due to Voldemort's taking of Harry's blood...
Jeremiah Smith
Jan. 16th, 2014 02:33 am (UTC)
Oh, that's where. You'll forgive my confusion, because not!Hermione's POV isn't exactly familiar territory for this fic.

How about we call her "The Strong, Independent Doormat" or "TSID" from now on, eh? Further distance this tripe from the excellent book series.

Edited at 2014-01-16 02:33 am (UTC)
Jeremiah Smith
Jan. 16th, 2014 02:36 am (UTC)
ITWATN in a nutshell. Honestly, OotP!Harry looks calm and well adjusted next to the supposedly adult SCBE.

Isn't it hilarious how Robst likes to continuously lift parts of the final three books that he hated with such a passion and just toss them into his story?

Edited at 2014-01-16 02:38 am (UTC)
Jeremiah Smith
Jan. 16th, 2014 02:40 am (UTC)
Because who cares about defeating Voldemort when SCBE's got an ego to stroke?

No kidding. I'm seriously contemplating writing a SpiteFic in which Voldemort and Dumbledore team up and murder the shit out of SCBE.

If I ever meet Robst IRL...
szaleniec1000
Jan. 16th, 2014 03:09 am (UTC)
He actually strikes me as someone you could have a reasonable discussion with. I'm not joking: for all his profile and some of his predefined header messages have a bit of a pompous air, there's no LoPEF-esque whining about "canon whores" and he doesn't seem like the kind of fanfic writer who'd go into a blind rage over someone daring to have a different opinion. (And some of his fans are likewise, apparently, judging by the fact that one of the people who favourited A Perfectly Ordinary Nightmare also had several of his fics on their favourites, not including ITWATN but including Knowledge is Power and the bondage!Ron fic.)
(no subject) - Jeremiah Smith - Jan. 16th, 2014 03:30 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - szaleniec1000 - Jan. 16th, 2014 03:56 am (UTC) - Expand
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Jeremiah Smith
Jan. 16th, 2014 02:42 am (UTC)
Since when has he ever been coherent in this fic?

No kidding. The guy's gone from laughing and joking with his godfather to physically attacking him over a simple disagreement!
Jeremiah Smith
Jan. 16th, 2014 02:46 am (UTC)
So if you proposed to "your Hermione" (ugh) the day before you were both killed, how on Earth did you actually manage to get married?

Careful, mate, lest you tumble down that huge plothole that just opened up.

I also like how this sequence also points out, even further, how much of an idiot Harry was by buggering off to Australia instead of staying behind and raising his godson! Why couldn't he have let Hermione go on her own in the first place?
szaleniec1000
Jan. 16th, 2014 03:18 am (UTC)
Especially considering that he was having fits of uncontrolled magic. A perfect time to spend 24 hours on a plane with hundreds of other people, right?
(no subject) - Jeremiah Smith - Jan. 16th, 2014 03:32 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - szaleniec1000 - Jan. 16th, 2014 03:53 am (UTC) - Expand
Jeremiah Smith
Jan. 16th, 2014 02:50 am (UTC)
Both parents would have been ecstatic with that news, heading back to Australia with the Tonks for company and a wedding to plan.

And so Robst decided to waste a paragraph restating what we'd just read. Fucking brilliant writing, that.

Did that gobshite ever clarify just how the Grangers were able to remember the previous timeline?
Jeremiah Smith
Jan. 16th, 2014 02:52 am (UTC)
Remember that they're physically eleven. Though you may prefer not to.

Definitely; it's bad enough that I'm having HE flashbacks during these scenes.

Edited at 2014-01-16 02:52 am (UTC)
Jeremiah Smith
Jan. 16th, 2014 02:54 am (UTC)
Yet another problem with this fic is that all the actual character development seems to take place in scenes that are glossed over like his. Harry and Dan, and I'm still pissed off at that, have these wonderful Man Chats™ but we never actually get to see them.

See: Harry and Hermione's Great Australian Adventure...that was covered in less than a paragraph of text.

Still annoyed by Robst's "clever" naming of Hermione's parents, eh?
szaleniec1000
Jan. 16th, 2014 03:22 am (UTC)
It reminded me a bit of when Hermione (or "Foxylene") went to New York in The Wolf Blood Lineage, but at least that was a trollfic.

Re Dan and Emma: I don't do cutesy. Cute, yes, but there's a line and that's on the wrong side. The implication adds a bit of squick too, because if Hermione's parents are herself and Harry, then pairing her with Harry is surely some kind of incest.
Jeremiah Smith
Jan. 16th, 2014 02:55 am (UTC)
Ginny is evil only she's not but he's still acting as though she is, and hell if I know what even the point is of Luna in this fic.

So that Robst could shoehorn in a character from a book he hates, apparently.
Jeremiah Smith
Jan. 16th, 2014 02:57 am (UTC)
Not that she had any reasonable basis to be angry at the people who attacked her family on more than one occasion and stole their house.

Every time I read anything to do with that part, my blood immediately starts boiling.
Jeremiah Smith
Jan. 16th, 2014 02:58 am (UTC)
Truly a fate worse than death. And this doesn't sound remotely like a conversation between two ten-year-olds.

I swear, it's like Robst was a Neil fan or something...
szaleniec1000
Jan. 16th, 2014 03:11 am (UTC)
Imagine how awful a Robst/Neil collaboration would be. Or Robst/LoPEF, come to that.
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(no subject) - sith_droideka - Jan. 16th, 2014 02:45 pm (UTC) - Expand
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Jeremiah Smith
Jan. 16th, 2014 03:00 am (UTC)
Those two hours or so in which she barely interacted with her clearly having made an impression.

You'd think that Muriel's time spent bashing on Dumbledore would have actually endeared her to TSID and SCBE...
szaleniec1000
Jan. 16th, 2014 03:10 am (UTC)
And Robst, for that matter.
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